I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
3 2 1 whiskey
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
