I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
