I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
