I faked an abortion last night.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
