One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
