I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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