He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Your penis caused this!
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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