Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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