260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
