I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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