i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
