I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Those nachos came to me in a dream
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
