Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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