I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
