and you said cock pushups were impossible
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
