Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
