but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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