Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
he told me I talked like a deaf person
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
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