That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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