If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
