man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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