but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
