i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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