i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Randomize
