yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
