i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
