Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
