How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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