Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
