my soul wont recognize me after tonight
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
