I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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