i'm signing you up for texting rehab
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
