Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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