I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
We don't watch enough power rangers
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
