I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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