btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
