just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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