He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
