someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
