I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
