Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
we have officially lost it.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
