where am i from again
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
