areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
you traded sex for a burrito?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
You ruined the universe
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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