It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
