I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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