My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
