I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
