I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
we're so committed to being not committed
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
