I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
And then he peed in my hair
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