I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Where is the hickey?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
