Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
