Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
