fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
