It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
