It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize
