out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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