i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
