I skipped work to stalk him.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize