just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
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