there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
