I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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