Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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