he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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