yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
