Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
