I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Can you repeat that, but with context?
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