either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
