She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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