it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
