Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
