Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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