i don't like sucking hair
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
