We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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