One girl and one boy is just not enough.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I just want nice things and good sex
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
