I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
