dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
