Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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