Hippo gnu deer
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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