STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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