I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Drunk is a universal language darling
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