I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
