i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
