is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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