You don't have asthma, your pregnant
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
