the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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