Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
