my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
