Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
