I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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