absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
