Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
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