So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize