is your mom at the bar?
Swine flu. Run for my life!
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
This toilet bowl is my home.
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