Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
